Under The Pretense Of My Pretensiousness

Pretty much everything is overrated in some regard, but I would have to say there's a lot of things out there that are grossly overrated to the point that everyone becomes afraid to admit that they don't like that movie/book/idea as much as everyone else supposedly does. If we could all just come out and admit we're pretending to like something more than we are, we'd all be much better off. We would be saving ourselves from agonizing discussions about the pseudo merits of something completely mediocre. I hope to update this list continually (there's a seemingly infinite amount of things that I think get way more credit than they deserve), but here are some of the overrated things in life that especially infuriate me:


The Simpsons
It’s been on seemingly forever (20 seasons) and with the release of the movie last year it appears to be just as popular as it’s always been. Most people I know that watch it say they’ve been watching it for as long as they’ve watched TV and list it among their favorite shows. The only problem is the show just isn’t that good. While its had it’s share of clever references to literature, history, and pop culture (which interestingly I think these references probably go over the casual viewer’s head), I find the show to be uninteresting and not really funny at all (somehow I was conned into watching the movie on DVD. I don’t think I laughed once). Yet despite this consistent mediocrity, long-time fans continue to stand by the show and eagerly await its coming seasons. To these fans, The Simpsons is like the friend they’ve had since childhood who is kind of a fuck-up but since they’ve been friends so long, these numerous shortcomings are overlooked. To these fans, The Simpsons is always “getting ready to go back to school to finish their degree” or “going to try out a new job.” If everyone could just admit the show has worn it’s welcome and it should finally bow out, we’d all be better for it…….All of those fans have to have a least an inkling of this though deep down, right?

Juno
Now you have to understand, I’m not saying this wasn’t a good movie. In fact, I was thoroughly excited to see it and went to see it during its opening weekend. Though I didn’t care for the extremely contrived deux ex machina ending, I thought the movie was ok and I can see how people would genuinely like this movie. The problem with Juno, however, is that it is an indie movie (the use of this term can be debated, as nowadays the term “indie” has really come to connote a genre rather than the term’s actual denotation). After seeing and liking this movie, viewers who exclusively mainstream develop what I call ‘the indie-movie complex.’ When you take a likable movie and put this alongside the enticing indie mystique, people begin to think its really hip and trendy to call Juno one of their favorite movies. They like an indie movie—naturally, this makes them smart and edgy. To me, the “indie movie complex” first developed with the release of Garden State (which sucks in my opinion). That movie really had no value but because it was indie and had a decidedly different feeling about it, people latched on to it.

Nirvana / Kurt Cobain
The quintessential grunge rock band. The best grunge rock band ever. I’m fine with saying all of this, primarily because grunge rock is awful. There’s a reason the genre has evolved into better things. Most (actually, nearly all) of the band’s undeserved credit stems from frontman Kurt Cobain, who, for reasons I will surely never understand, is considered a ‘genius’ by the masses of angry teens and twentysomethings. I’m going to sound like an asshole for saying this (and that’s because I’m an asshole) but just because he is dead doesn’t grant him genius status. So what makes the man a genius? The man’s songwriting is not comparable to any of the other universally great (i.e. Lennon, Dylan) and people can hardly emote with his themes. I mean honestly, how does one identify with the lyrics to “Rape Me?” People point to his diary that supposedly oozes with his radiant intelligence. I haven’t read it (and never will), but I’m willing to bet it’s peppered with more “rape me, rape me again, anally penetrate me, etc.” Cobain and co. were fortunate to only release a couple albums and disband, or people would have probably grown weary of their one dimensional sound and told them to shut the fuck up already. All the best flameouts die before they flame out, because no one wants to kick a dead man while he’s down, 6ft. down to be exact………well, except for me.

Grey Goose Vodka
Why not right? Let’s talk booze. I think about 1 in 9006 people under the age of 75 drink vodka on the rocks. To these few, the $50 for a fifth price tag might be worth it. I’ll grant you that. But to the rest of you out there dropping the cash for the “ultra premium” vodka? Step down off your highball glass and buy a handle of Smirnoff for half the price. Instead of the using the saying “you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig” that I’ve heard too many times in reference to politics (Obama, analysts, probably McCain…you’re all guilty of employing this tired metaphor) why not say “you can buy a $50 bottle of vokda that is endorsed by rappers worldwide, but it’s still vodka.” If it costs three times as much, it better taste three times better and be three times easier to drink. But it isn’t, because it’s vodka. If you roll into the club with your bottle service, by all means flaunt your bottles of ‘Goose since that’s about its only advantage over other vodkas—people will think you’re a baller with that bottle in your hand. If you’re not in dire need of enhancing your image through the service of a bottle, then don’t waste your money.